Adoption is a beautiful opportunity for children to live better lives. It is truly a miracle to transform an unexpected pregnancy into a chance for another couple to complete their family. However, when you give your child up for adoption, it can be a strange loss, and one that you are unsure how to handle. At A Is 4 Adoption, we treat our birth mothers better than any other adoption center or agency in California, and we are always here so that you are able to create the best possible opportunities for the child you love. Understanding what kind of impact that process can have on you and your life before you put your child up for adoption can mean that you are prepared for the sorrows and the joys that it can bring, making you better able to provide a loving, happy environment for your child, even if that is not with you.
In August of 2013, the Child Welfare Information Gateway conducted a study about how adoption impacted birth parents. By carefully detailing the emotions that you may be going through and guiding you toward healing, this resource enables birth parents to feel like they are not alone in their struggles, that there is hope, and that they are helping to give their child a life they wouldn’t be able to provide otherwise. In light of that, these are some of the feelings that are common among birth parents:
Grief of Losing a Child
It is common for a birth mother to grieve the loss of her child, almost as much as, or even more than, a mother who is suffering from the death of a child. She may have to face guilt as well as denial, sorrow, shock, depression, and many other feelings that are related to loss. The decision itself to place your child up for adoption could be such a trying and stressful experience that you may even feel that you are unable to feel anything for quite some time after the decision has been made.
Because of the emotions that birth parents feel, and the fact that their loss is widely seen as their own choice, they tend to feel a more ambiguous grief, related to one who is alive and they are much less likely to gain the sympathy of those around them. In this way, the grief that birth parents face is much different than that of those who have had to experience the death of their child and it is more important that these birth parents find a support system of other parents and understanding people who can guide them toward recovery and allow them to see that their child has the chance for a better life through the miracle of adoption.
Grief of Losing Parenthood
This grief that birth parents experience is not only contained to giving their baby up after they are born, but it can extend further down the line of the child’s life, as birth parents wonder what could’ve happened had they chosen to keep the child. This feeling of loss can lend to feelings of grief for a parenthood they were never able to experience, and result in a series of “what ifs.”
We Can Help
If you are feeling any of these losses after putting your child up for adoption, we want you to know that you are not alone. Adoption is a process that takes adjustment, but seeing your child happy, thriving, and given opportunities in life can be the best medicine. Learn more next time about ways to overcome these losses and feel truly satisfied with your decision to give your child a better life. If you need help right away, do not hesitate to contact us now. We are always available to our birth parents and ready to help in any way we can.