What to say to adopted childKnowing when to tell your child they’re adopted and how to do it will help guide you toward making adoption a positive experience for you and your child. With our private adoption center in CA, you have the resources and the support system you need to help you do it right. We know you love your child, and they love you, and we believe that as your child’s parent, you will know instinctively when the best time is for you to open the discussion about adoption. However, if you have been building adoption up as a positive experience for your child’s life, and you have been reading them stories which help explain the concept, then you’ll find your child is not only receptive, but understanding when the time comes for you to have this discussion.

What to Say (Or Not Say)

These are just a few of the tips we’ve complied from the best experts, professionals in the field, adoptive parents, and our own experiences with telling our own children about adoption.

  • Reassure your child they did nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with them
  • Explain to them that their birth parents could not take care of them. If you have been reading them children’s books about adoption, this should be a readily understandable concept.
  • Make sure that you talk about your child’s birth parents, not just their birth mother.
  • Don’t feel the need to explain everything at once. Be honest and direct, but don’t overload your child with information they don’t understand.
  • Encourage questions and always answer those questions in an age-appropriate yet honest way.
  • Don’t speak negatively of your child’s birth mother or father. They are an important part of your child’s history.
  • Give your child time to absorb the information and don’t expect the first time you discuss their adoption to be the last.
  • Help your child to discuss their emotions about the subject by remaining open and understanding and asking your child specific questions about how they feel.
  • Let your child know how much you wanted them and why.
  • Try not to say that you chose your child, as this may make them feel like they were not chosen, or wanted, by someone else.
  • If it feels like the right time and your child wants to know more, briefly explain the adoption process.
  • Show them pictures of when you first brought them home and start building a memory book with them if they seem open to the idea.
  • Let their responses be your guide. If they seem overwhelmed by the information or emotional, take time to discuss their emotions and take a break from telling them information about the adoption.

As your child grows and begins to understand, they may have more and more questions about their past and your decision to adopt, as well as who their birth parents are. Learn more about the impact adoption can have on adopted children, and contact our team at A Is 4 Adoption if you ever feel like you need more support or an understanding ear. As a private adoption center, we are able to help our parents long after the adoption is complete, and nothing makes us happier.